Mad Girl's Love Song

Lips that are as warm could be, Lips that speak to soon. Lips that tell a story, Sad and deep as you. Smile thats warm as summer sun, Smile that gets you through. Smile that tells a story, Sad and deep as you. The eyes that are the window, Eyes that are the view. Eyes that tell a story, Sad and deep as you. Tears that are unspoken words, The tears that are the truth. Tears that tell a story, Sad and deep as you. --Govt Mule (Absolutely love this song.)

I have so much in this head of mine.  Many ideas...thoughts....desires....beliefs.  I still haven't found a way to get them from my cranium onto paper or blog in the way that I want.  I will continue to try until I've mastered it. One day jumps to the next... Who will I be today? How will I feel towards humanity? Will I feel the constant urgency to pour my head out? Will I restrain...like I have learned to do since childhood. Somedays, I can't wait to die... Then I know, my aching spirit will be free. It will burst through my chest like a baby from a womb. Someday.

Life. In the beginning....life is Cold.  Bright.  Scary.  Loud.  Unpredictable.  Infinite Possibility. In the end...life is Cold.  Dark.  Scary.  Quiet.  Unpredictable.  Infinite Possibility. Our senses and reactions to our surroundings are key.  But what if your senses were hyper sensitive?  You would interpret the world around you as continuously hostile.   This is how I have always seen and felt the world.  As a foreign object permeating my sensitive nervous system throughout.  No doubt I will continue my life this way.  I will forever be uncomfortable in my skin.  Feeling everything, all of the time, at full speed.

Most little girls want to become mommies.  Some little girls dream about becoming a teacher, or a nurse. Me?  Well, I just wanted to be free.  I wanted out in a way that most children cannot comprehend.  I didn't belong with them.  They hurt me and didn't understand me.  I made sure that my brain didn't remember most of the happenings, but the key points were embedded in my brain.  You can't trust another human being with your sensitive spirit, your needs, your wants.  Why pick and choose?  I decided very young to live inside my own head and create my reality there. In my head, I was important.  In my little girl mind, I was loved and adored.  I was the queen of my own little universe of solitude.  I would play outside and act out my own scenarios in my mind.  I would laugh and play, climb trees and sing a song in my head that was carefree.  When the sad times came, as they always did, I would remain silent,...

The devil and his had me down, In love with the dark side I'd found. Dabbling all the way down. Up to my neck; Soon to drown. Prayed like a martyr dusk til dawn Begged like a hooker all night long Tempted the devil with my song And got what I wanted all along.

I love her....